Tour Preview

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

JUNE 30th, 2000

THE 2000 TOUR DE BURG STARTS TODAY

With less than hours remaining until the opening stage of the 2000 tour de burg, bikers from all over world are descending upon Harrisonburg, Virginia, home of the best single track on the east coast. Friday night's time trial will prove which riders are attempting to be crowned champion in 10 painful days. Will the incredible time trial record set by Belgian Paul Bushetti be toppled by the upcoming tour threats? No one can be sure which riders are serious about committing to the general classification but letters of intent are in and it has been rumored that many other top riders are intent on racing this prestigious event. With entries coming in from around the globe many are anticipating the largest peloton in history. As teams prepare their squads for the upcoming event, the showdown between team clean and team green is grabbing all the media attention. With many riders injured, lost in action, and mentally unstable the green squad will have to rely on the weathered veterans to carry the burden. Interestingly, many are predicting failure for the clean squad--with no obvious leader and multiple tour favorites, the lack of team work and a true domestique could blow the team apart. It seems many riders have underestimated the severity of this year's course. Lengthened to ten full days each stage features at least one hors de categorie climb some touting 2 or 3. Every stage except the prologue promises at least 4 grueling hours in the saddle. Doping officials will be on hand to analyze riders in the drug tent. Start times have been confirmed and are listed below. See preview for a vague course description.

Friday-Prologue-Mtn-7:30 pm

Saturday-Mtn-10:00 am

Sunday-Road-10:00 am

Monday-Mtn-8:00 am

Tuesday-Mtn-8:00 am

Wednesday-Road-3:00 pm

Thursday-Mtn-8:00 am

Friday-Road-8:00 am

Saturday-Mtn-10:00 am

Sunday-Mtn-10:00 am

Race Protocol:

Fighting and biting are allowed. No riding in autos. Each stage will have one or two timed sections and road stages may include sprint line time bonuses. Laminated directions for the timed sections and sprints will be provided for each racer. There may not be sag support, racers must supply their own for food, water, and supplies. Navigation and course adherement is the responsibility of each rider. To celebrate cycling and the love and comraderie it creates we will ride non race sections at a parade pace.

2000 Tour de Burg Schedule

Friday, June 30, 2000, 7:30 PM Mtn--Opening time trial on Trimble Mountain. This will be the first test for the big boys and the chance to grab the coveted leader's. Can anyone touch the scorching record of 26 minutes set by Bushetti in 1999?

Saturday, July 1 10:00 am Mtn-Dowels Draft Via Hanky Mountain will expose the rookies to some big mountain riding early on with the Bridge Hollow Braley Pond loop putting the final Blow to the racers. The highspeed singletrack downhills will leave many riders smiling for the week to come.

Sunday, July 2 10:00 am Road-Assault on Reddish Knob Via Stokesville and the backside.

Monday, July 3 8:00 am Mtn-From town up Union Springs to Flag Pole Knob followed by a Pelaton shattering downhill off of Red Diamond

Tuesday, July 4th 8:00 am Mtn-- Elliot Knob The real test is today, independence day. Will some brave soldier overcome the heat and the competition to independently dominate the tour??? The steeps, rocks, and magic of Elliot Knob will create a glorious battleground.

Wednesday, July 5th 3:00 pm Road

Thursday, July 6th 8:00 am Mtn-Circumnavigation Singletrack. Enough Said.

Friday, July 7th 8:00 am Road-Sklyine 101 No Tour would be complete without this signature road stage that has proven instrumental in races past.

Saturday, July 8th 10:00 am Mtn-

Sunday, July 9th 10:00 am Mtn-Shenandoah Mtn Trail South Its not over til you jerkemtight and the south sisters sing deep in the heart of Bathe county. No lead is safe with this stage looming in the back of riders minds.

How to Partake:

If you are interested in competing in the 2000 Tour (Team Clean vs. Team Green) all you need to do is send in your letter of intent to the officials along with your European-cycling history.

The Tour Players

Christi Lhentholo da Sticky Green Kiwi

Jerome Vimpty Frances "little Miguel"

Miguel Carpellini battered spainard

Jay Duffy Fat Jimmy's Cocky American

Jens Nielsen The Biking Viking

Thomas Jenkini Italian Pony

Mark Myracled Lieutnant Domestique - Bavaria

Chris Scott Norwegian

Kevin Keane Team Greens Doobiemestique

Nico Waitito Spanish climbing sensation from the Appalachialusain Region

Matteus Frankovich sneaky dutchmen with ties to team green

David McGowan The Red Headed Spainard

Micki Buchness russian cosmonaut

Nikolai Danielski The Russian is Coming

Carol (zee Barrel) Vaters German Power

Unofficial entries

Paul Bushetti the ever powerful Belgian, defending his 1999 title

Joel Maynario Itailian strongman from the southern region, 1999 runner up

Michael Compraro one clean ass Italian

Pauli Johaneson swedish meatball

Timothy Richardson 100% american

It is rumored that Jerimiah Bishop, Jim Potts the legend, The Brit Chris (Johnny Utah) Eatough, Sue Haywood, Susan Musante, Nancy Devore, Patrick Miller, Sue Painter, Brian Ralston, Sami Fournier, and many others have expressed interest in this tour. As of press time official intents had not been submitted.

Examples of Letters of Intent:

Carol Waters (Past Vet National and World Champion)

Dear Kindly Race Promoter: I am checking with zee team La Director Sportif, une 'oping zhat vee due not 'ave any how you say -- Konflicts -- vis any of zee Tour La Femmes in Europe durink zee dates of your stage race. I vill chek vis de otter bionic vomen on my team and lat you know as soon as possible. Carol (zee Barrel) Vaters

Nick Daniels (past Harrisonburg local and gravitational wonder)

Chris, the Norwegian Hitchhiker, Scott, I'm nervous and twitchy with anxiety. Can't wait to bat clean up and scrape your sorry ass off the road, (or find you sitting there mumbling in trailside stupor) The Russian is coming, the Russian is coming!!! From Russia with love, --Nikolai Danielski

Kevin Keane (Team Greens Doobiemestique)

Yo...I've heard there was a press release regarding this year's tour, have you forgotten about your loyal doobiemestique in NOVA? I've been graced with an endowment of skinny tires and am hoping to get in on a few legs of the action.

Dave McGowan (Holder of the #1 plate at the SM100 2 years running)

Ahhh!, You have already fallen into McGowan's trap. While his name may bring to mind images of the relatively flat Irish Republic, this rider actually hails from the Spanish peninsula (first name is pronounced, da VEED, spanish mother, irish father, AKA - the red headed Spaniard!). We all know that no climbers of significance have originated from the green island. However, the same cannot be said of Spain! McGowan likes to lull his rivals into believing that he will be a fixture in the sprinter's gruppetto once a grand tour hits the steep slopes of the Dolomites, Alpes, or Pyranhees. McGowan's physical stature also lulls his adversaries into believing that he will not be a factor in the mountains (weighing in at a rather portly 76 kg., on a 1.9 m. frame). He then pounces upon their laziness and lack of preparation, inflicting immeasurable suffering upon them as he "dances on the pedals" up the mountainside. Despite being a Spaniard, McGowan is quite popular with the tifosi, the Italian fans who mob the sides of the road during the Giro d'Italia. The italian fans have come to embrace McGowan, who is known for reciting inspirational Bible verses as he does his "dance"! European cycling history includes numerous stints during the grand tours and spring classic campaigns with the Spanish Kelme squad. Remarked teamate Fernando Escartin after his podium finish in Paris last year, "Without McGowan encouraging me up to Sestriere with his inspirational words, I never could have made it. He has been a valiant tamale during this years tour, working tirelessly and selflessly to put me on the podium. I vow that next year, I will return the favor and strive to help him earn a stage win in the tour d'Burg." Unfortunately, McGowan has never actually finished a grand tour. He is known for his fear of "vampires" (specifically of the UCI variety). The mere mention of them usually sends McGowan packing back to his home in the Pyrenees for a (mandatory) rest period.